Keeping it real

Once upon a time, there was a king who ruled a great and glorious nation. Favourite amongst his subjects was the court painter of whom he was very proud. Everybody agreed this wizened old man painted the greatest pictures in the whole kingdom, and the king would spend hours each day gazing at them in wonder.

However, one day a dirty and dishevelled stranger presented himself at the court claiming that in fact, he was the greatest painter in the land. The indignant king decreed a competition would be held between the two artists, confident that it would teach the vagabond a lesson. Within a month they were both to produce a picture so glorious it would make grown men cry.

After thirty days of working feverishly day and night, both artists were ready. They placed their paintings, each hidden by a cloth, on easels in the centre of the great hall in the castle. As the large crowd strained to see, the king ordered the cloth to be pulled first from the court artist's easel. Everyone gasped as before them was revealed a wonderful scene-a table set with a feast fit for a king, at the centre of which was an ornate silver bowl full of exotic fruits, glistening moistly in the dawn light. As the crowd gazed admiringly, a sparrow perched high up on the rafters of the hall swooped down and hungrily tried to snatch one of the grapes from the painted bowl, only to hit the canvas and fall down dead with shock at the feet of the king.

"Aha!" exclaimed the king. "My artist has produced a painting so wonderful it has fooled nature herself, surely you must agree that he is the greatest painter that ever lived?" But the vagabond said nothing and stared solemnly at his feet. "Now, pull the blanket from your painting and let us see what you have for us", cried the king. But the tramp remained motionless and said nothing. Growing impatient, the king stepped forward and reached out to grab the blanket, only to freeze in horror at the last moment.

"You see" whispered the tramp quietly, "there is no blanket covering the painting. This is actually just a painting of a cloth covering a painting. And whereas your famous artist is merely content to fool nature, I've made the king of the whole country look like a clueless little c**t."